Today Parishioner’s, A Reading From The Book of Insults

Today, at Ye Olde Sex Shoppe, it was the most hilarious shift I’ve ever worked.

I was working with Red, Alice and Lexi and we were laughing hysterically almost the whole night. It started when Alice asked Red for a strawberry, except she said it with a total valley girl accent.

“Caaaaan I haaave another straaaawberrrrrry?”

We all fell over laughing. Then the phone rang and since I was the closest one, the worst thing I could have done was answer it. So I answered it. Which was such a terrible idea because I couldn’t stop laughing.

“Hello, I’m a traaansexual,” he spoke so slow. And I was already laughing hard and the way he spoke was making it worse.

I actually doubled up while I was on the phone trying desperately not to laugh and not succeeding. The girls weren’t making it any easier. They kept mocking Alice and repeated everything I was saying in valley girl accents.

Finally, the gentleman asked me why I was laughing and if I was laughing at him. I felt so terrible.

Anyway, I finally got off the phone, at which point Red brought down The Book of Insults. It’s a flip book where you make the most ridiculous insults.

Rectum fungus.

Nut shitter.

Fetus sandwich.

Anus skank.

Pussy Rag.

Crap packer.

Tampon sandwich.

Bitch biscuit.

Twat wad.

Bitch clot.

Pecker wipe.

Anus hole.

Pussy pooper.

Corpse cuddler.

Quiff sniffer.

Sperm nugger.

Slut muffin.

Anus wrangler.

Fetus diddler.

Queef bucket.

Panty booger.

Snot bagger.

Ho bandits.

Pube boner.

Cock jacket.

It was never ending. I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe and was turning red. The list could go on for pages. I texted a bunch of them to my friends and we had a back and forth of silly insults. It was such a good night to work.



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