I almost left my husband this week. I packed my bags and took off my wedding ring. I was ready to leave. Determined even. But before I left, we talked, a lot. We talked about stuff that we don’t normally discuss or that doesn’t normally come up in our fights. His lack of help around the house, my fear of pursuing a career in photography.
We’re going to see a therapist today who’s going to teach us about conflict management. I think if we could learn how to argue properly, we would hurt each other less and hopefully find solutions instead of blame. My husband is big on the blaming. He’s way more uptight than I am, so I’m curious and looking forward to how this is going to go.
I really want him to be able to move past this issue of blame. When one of our kids spilled the milk, he was more concerned with why it spilled and how it spilled instead of just cleaning up the damn milk.
Does it really matter how it got spilled? NO! The fact of the matter is, the milk was spilled and needs to be cleaned up. Kids need to learn how to pour milk, and sometimes they make a mess. It’s no big deal.
I sometimes think that my husband and I are not compatible enough to live together. He’s too anal, I’m too laid back. I worry, too, that the way he acts affects our children too much. I’d like him to be more aware of the way he reacts to things, to realize how it’s affecting our children. When he berates me in front of them, it really bothers me.
Other times, I couldn’t picture living without him. I love him. He makes me feel sexy. He makes love to me. He snuggles me, holds me when I’m upset. I’m having a hard time coming up with things that aren’t physical. The more I think about it, the more that makes me sad.
Anyway, I’ll be bringing this up at the session today and I’m looking forward to getting this stuff out in the open.
When I called to make the appointment, the company offered to send us some books and pamphlets on conflict management. I’ll be looking forward to reading them.
My husband said he would read them for me, for us. He was pretty upset when I told him I was leaving, and he wants to work on it with me. Which is good, because if he had refused, this relationship would be over. He knows he has issues, as I have issues too.
I think it’s just a matter of getting on the same page.
Love has never been our problem. I love him. He loves me. It’s simple. It’s the rest of the stuff that gets in the way. I’m going in there to tell the truth, to learn how to argue with my husband, and to address the issue of the poor way he treats me. I hope we’ll get some answers today, or at least somewhere to start from.