This past Saturday night, I had a girls night with Kurdles and MadEye. We were drinking wine and eating mini-quiche and having a good ol’ time. Kurdles mentioned something about me having a super-special-relationship with most people individually.
At first I didn’t understand what she meant, but she insisted, “c’mon, you know what I mean! You’re friends with everyone, everyone tells you their secrets, even though you’re terrible at keeping them.”
It’s true. I am notoriously bad at keeping secrets.
I thought about what she said and I guess it’s true. I love the one-on-one relationships I have with my friends. I tease the secrets out of them the same way you would tickle fish out of the river. Nothing beats great conversation, especially not the great conversation with a close friend.
I’m curious by nature and I love to know as much as I can get from someone. I love the nature of their relationship with their parents and how it compares to mine. I love to know why they like or don’t like certain things, what makes them tick. How they relate to the world around them. I find it fascinating and I love to ask questions.
I especially enjoy asking questions that most people would find awkward and uncomfortable. I like to know how much someone is willing to tell me because I simply refuse to acknowledge awkward situations. I think that puts people at ease, which lets them open up more than they normally would. I don’t judge them, I don’t think less of them and I genuinely want to know the answer. I love a good story.
MadEye was telling us that her dad had his bags packed and almost left her mother on their wedding night. What? Now there’s an amazing story…that she never asked a question about! That almost killed me. How could your father tell you something like that without wanting (in my case needing) to know the answer? If my dad ever told me that, I’d ask him all sorts of questions.
I know not everyone has the same relationship with their parents that I have with mine (a very open one), but wouldn’t you want to know what would cause such a rift between your parents that your dad almost left your mom, on their wedding night, no less? Wouldn’t it enthral you to know that if things had gone only a little differently, you might never have been born? Human nature fascinates me.
I’d want to know everything. The how’s, the why’s, the motives behind it all.
I think I probably drove my parents around the bend with all the questions I asked, especially ‘why’.
“But why, mum? Why?”
I know that my parents first year of marriage wasn’t as amazing as I had always assumed it was. My mother was apparently quite the prude (shocking, I know) and didn’t know how to communicate that well. My dad, who barely spoke english, really had to work to get my mom to loosen up.
I know that before my mom got pregnant with me, she went to the doctor for spotting, and he told her that she was having too much sex.
I know that my grandmother was the bastard child of an affair and was raised by her grandparents. Her mother, my great grandmother, was shunned by the community and forced to walk on the other side of the street. I also know that she was shunned by her church and that’s why she became a Jehovah witness. She died on Christmas morning.
I know that my grandmother was pregnant when she and my grandfather got married. She was also known as the hickey queen. Gross.
There’s all sorts of nuggets of information you can learn from people, and it’s all interesting. Each successive thing you learn adds to your knowledge base of that person, allowing you to understand them better and hopefully, be a better friend.
Why wouldn’t you want to know as much as you could about someone? Especially if they’re a friend?
“I don’t want to pry,” I’ve been offered as an excuse. Well, why the fuck not?! Why don’t you want to pry the shit out of that can of worms and see what you find?
If I was MadEye, I’d ask my dad why he almost left. I’d ask my mom how she felt about it. How did they resolve it? What could have possibly changed his mind if his bags were already packed? How did he feel during the wedding service, was everything resolved by then? There’s so much to know!
I love to know the intimate details. Nothing is weird or awkward. The more I learn about someone, the more I appreciate them. The more I think about what Kurdles said, the more I realize it’s true. I love having conversations, talking long into the night, learning all I can about the intricate nuances of a person.
I love my friends.