Knock, Knock. Hello? Is this Kettle? Yes? This is Pot, You’re Black.

I am seething rage.

I don’t have time to deal with your neurotic bullshit. I don’t care anymore. This is why you don’t have any friends. As soon as there is confrontation, you blacklist them off all social media, get mad at them and end friendships via text. Thanks for being a grown up. Relationships take work and you’re obviously not willing to put in that kind of effort or responsibility to work on this friendship.

You dare call me flaky when you’re the flakiest of them all.

I will swear at you (via text) if you end a friendship with me over a fucking text message and I will not apologize for it.

My ‘friend’ (I use that term loosely) told me tonight, via text, that she didn’t want to be friends anymore because I’m too flaky. Because I was hanging out with another friend of mine (whom she doesn’t get along with) since this morning. She had asked me if I wanted to go on a walk, and I would have, but my buddy and I were having a good time and I told her later, when he left, we could go on a walk. It turned out that we decided to watch a movie, and my friend had already gone on a walk so I figured it was not a big deal to just let her know that we’re going to watch a movie instead. It was still early enough that she could have made other plans or do whatever.

“We should go for a pleasure stroll when you’re free!!! At 930 or whatevs” she writes.

“Nah, Friend and Husband and I are going to watch a movie, sorry!” I responded.

“Oh, um thanks. You’re a peach. Explains why you ‘inadvertently’ didn’t get back to me earlier. How kind of you. I’m sick of how flaky you are. If you want to do something in the future get in touch. I won’t be reaching out. Bye.”

This is where I get really mad. Who ends a friendship over a text message?

“Are you fucking kidding me? Go fuck yourself!”

“Hahaha aren’t we a lady!”

“I do my best!”

“Hahaha see ya!”

I was tired of texting, so I sent her this email.

“You’ve flaked out on me more times than I can count. “Nah, I just want to go home and put my pj’s on,” WTF, I thought we were hanging out?
You’ve called us drunk, demanding that we come pick you up, only to leave within an hour of getting to our house. LAME.
How dare you call me flaky. I’ve never cut you off, never ended our friendship, never left our friendship hanging in all the years that you’ve come and gone from our lives. I’ve always been there for you, accepting your flighty and inconsistent nature, always accepting you for who you are. Yeah, sometimes I flake out, because by the end of the day I’m fucking tired. You know what it’s like here at bed time, now imagine them being extra needy/whiny because they’re coming down with something.
I didn’t want to go for a walk tonight because I’m fucking exhausted, I think I’m getting sick too, and the kids went to bed later than usual tonight.  ‘Friend’ is hanging out here with me and we’re just taking it easy. I thought he was going to leave earlier, but we decided to watch a movie instead. I’m sorry I’m not at your beck and call. I would have suggested we all go for a walk, but heaven fucking forbid should you and he stop being stupidly awkward around each other.
It’s so lame that you’re so quick to drop me, like I’m some fucking inconvenience instead of a good friend. I’ve never once dropped you, never once wanted to stop being friends with you when you’ve flaked out on me countless times. It’s inconsiderate, and what’s worse, you can’t even call me or say it to my fucking face, you have to do it through text. God forbid should you ACTUALLY confront me about this, as real people, instead of hiding behind your fucking text machine.
You know what, I value you as a friend but I can’t be at your beck and call. I have a husband and 3 kids but I really love spending time with you too. You never seem to be available during the day, in the morning, when it’s most convenient for me. You sleep in until the afternoon and by then I’m getting ready for the girls to come home/get dinner ready.
If you really want to end this friendship, fine. Be done with it. Just know that I think it’s really weak on your part to try and end our friendship over a fucking text message. It’s inconsiderate and furthermore it’s rude.”
Her response to my email:
“I skimmed part of your email, but I won’t be reading it. It seems a pointless exercise in vitriol, quite frankly.

I get that you’re mad. So was I. However, I don’t want to turn this into a “She said, she said” back-and-forth.
I’m sorry I took you off of Facebook – I shouldn’t have without consulting you. I was quite upset – having a close friend tell you to “Go fuck yourself” is never conducive to a pleasant evening, no?
If you would like to have a civil conversation without swearing I would be quite up for that – whether through email or chat or what have you.”
Not in person. Not over the phone. Coward. Hide behind your phone, your computer. Act like this is all on me for swearing at you…even though that was precipitated by you ending our friendship, via text.
This is the first I heard of her taking me off facebook. But obviously this is worthy of a full scale social media blackout. Because I didn’t want to take a walk in the park with her. That would be like me ending a friendship with someone for being too crass.
“I’m sorry, you’re awfully rude, I don’t think we can be friends.”
Really? I put the ass in crass (and class, but only sometimes).
The hardest part for me though, is walking away. This is the first time I’ve felt like I need to walk away from a friendship. I love my friends, I put a lot of love and devotion into my relationships and she turns around and spits on it. If she came to me and apologized, acknowledging that she over reacted or whatever, I would probably forgive her.
But she’s already cut the ties, cut me out of her life. What’s worse, she did it so easily. She’s heartless and cold, and then turns around and wonders why she has no friends. Maybe because when the going gets tough, she runs. I wonder how I’m supposed to contact her to resolve this considering she’s blacklisted me. The answer is, I’m not. She will contact me or this won’t get resolved. I can’t keep doing this with her.
How long will this drag on? A year? More? Every time I go back for more, every time I say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing and suddenly she’s gone. Poof. Out of my life until the next random encounter. Not this time. This is not how you treat a friend.
Way to be a grown up. The eternal teenager, awkward to the last.

One response to “Knock, Knock. Hello? Is this Kettle? Yes? This is Pot, You’re Black.

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